Never Ending Story

how about an endless story in english? just for the fun of it? (and for some practice, of course, before my little english gets lost... )

here we go?

once upon a time...

...an old man said to his dog:....

... wow!...

"come on, dog, let´s take a walk on the wild side !" "wuff!" replied the dog, and so they started strolling down chicken-street, only to meet...

the butcher, who used to have some nice Neanderthal bones for the dog.

"How nice!" exclaimed the old man. His name was Mr. Stone, by the way...although nobody knew for sure, whether that was his real name or just a running gag..."I´ll pick them up later, okay? Right now I´m on my way to meet a Lady who´s vegetarian, you understand...a parcel of neandertal-bones could ruin my plans!" "No problem, Mr. Stone, whatever you want...and good luck!" "Okay, see you then...now we must hurry up, I would hate to keep that Lady waiting. Come on, dog!"
But dog (his full name was "Dog Holiday", but Mr. Stone called him that only when he was drunk) was already half a mile ahead. He didn´t care for neandertaler-bones...he chewed them only to please Mr. Stone.

In fact, Dog Holiday didn't care about anything but of Virgin Mary, the most attractive pug girl in town; and she was in heat just at that time. So he...

...ignored Mr. Stones calls and followed his nose, while Mr. Stone remembered, that he himself was going to meet a Lady in the "Petite Cafe´"...and instead of cursing Dog Holiday he giggled..." Okay Dog, go ahead and do what you have to do...and so will I...if she lets me !" He knew that dog could take care of himself, and with a sigh he went on and threw that streetmusician, who just played the "Mean Woman Blues" on his harmonica, a coin. "I hope this song is not a bad omen", he thought and pushed open the cafe´-door...

...and there she was, Mean Milly with the face like the back of a bus - Mean Milly, his nightmare since so many years!

She sat on an barstool, gaped at him and shoutet: "Fred F. Stone, you...

...son-of-a-gun!" "Great Gosh-a-Mighty..." a flabbergasted Mr.Stone thought to himself..." what a mess...Mean Milly, of all women in the world...I better had listened to that blues-man outside...no more blind-dates for me...wish I had those neandertaler-bones with me now, at least I´d have something to throw in her face!" But instead of turning around to run after Dog he spread his arms and said:" Millieeeee, what a nice surprise...long time no see, eh?"

"Quite right", she said rummaging in her pocket. "I suppose I got some bonds on you, F.F.S.... Ah - there you are!"
She threw an old yellowed paper out of her pocket, and Mr. Stone was blushing all over.-

At that very moment the waiter came. "Qu'est-ce que vouz commandez, Monsieur?" he asked.
"Une bouteille d' Old Tennisshoe, garanteed three months old", said Fred, "et quelques sardines à l'huil avec french fried potatoes, s'il vouz plait."
"E pour Madame...?" he asked.
Fred thought of Neanderthal bones, but Millie interrupted his associations and cried:

"Nothing doing! That fellow can´t order anything...look at this paper, it says that all he has belongs to me, past present and future!" "I´d better get out of here before she gets me by the balls..." Stone thought, turned around and...

...tried to leave the saloon, but MM caught hin up: "Let's put an end to it, Freddy", she said. "You put your balls in hock, and now I..."

"I remember", Fred said feverishly. "That was in the old times when I used to call you Venus. But you see, now I'm old, an corncerning my balls...hmm... Well, anyway,...

...that moment his imagination made her back-of-a-bus-face turn back to venus, and, to ruin his day completely, he heard himself say:" How about a blow-job, Milly? For old times sake?" Whereupon Milly sardonically replied:"

"I guess, I'd really have to blow you up, 'cause otherwise..."

"Oh no, not me but my best friend Dog Holiday. He just left me some minutes ago, running after some bitch, but if you want me to catch him up and introduce him to you..."

"A doc?" she shouted.

"Of course, a dog", he said....

..."Why the hell should I blow up a medico?" "Medico?...eh? ah,nonono, not a doc but a dog, y´know...that "wuff"-sort of thing!" " And why should I blow HIM up?" "Blow? did I say blow? sorry, I ment whistle...please whistle after him, I´m too short of breath these days." Stone was now sweating all over...taking the curve from asking for a blow-job to whistling for Dog Holiday was not an easy task. " I´ll do that for you", she said, "I like dogs!" That moment a man with a camera stormed into the cafe´ and without asking shot a photo of Milly and Mr. Stone.
"Myer & Cie. , Quixi-Photos", he barked..."if you want a copy , please come to my shop in an hour or two..." He handed them his card and was gone.
Stone ran after him, but when he opened the cafe`-door he saw only that blues-harp daddy who now played Willie Nelson´s "On the road again"...Myer had apparently vanished into nothingness...

Mean Milly also came out of the cafe´. "Listen to that song", she said, "that´s the best we can do...hit the road!" "Fuck the road, Milly...once I thought the streets are paved in gold, but the crossroads of my life have led me almost everywhere, and now I´m sure they are paved with blood, sweat and tears...but maybe you´re right, especially since nobody cares to continue this story..." And so he raised his thumb to hitch-hike his way into the sunset..."take care of Dog Holiday,Milly...that´s all I can give you...and stop following me...you go your way and I´ll go mine, okay?"

Suddenly a giant Mack-Truck appeared out of nowhere and stopped...

...the driver´s window slipped down and suddenly the smell of ganja filled the air, and a deep voice thundered out of the truck´s cabin..."hey Stone, is that you? Come in here, I´m on my way to mexico and need some company..."

"oh,no no"...Stone replied, " I´m on my way to nowhereland to become a now-here-man, if you know what I mean...but give my regards to Mescalito!"